Welcome to my 3 part series on dating! No matter what your relationship status is, I encourage you to read all 3 parts of my talk on dating. Today's topic is about being single. It's not often people talk about advice on being single, most people are just concerned with getting into a relationship. But believe me, for those of you that are single right now, there are some things you need to know.
Before I begin, I'll tell you a little about my background that relates to this post. My relationship status is single.
I've been single for a few years now. I've only dated a few girls. My relationships have ranged from lasting a few days to a year. I've been in both short distance and long distance relationships. I've been rejected a few times. I've been friendzoned too. I've never been in a relationship where God was in the center of it. In the past I'd put girlfriends over family, friends, and even God. I was that clingy and selfish.
So that's my background on dating. But through all my experiences in the world of relationships, being single for a while, and even learning from others, I've learned a lot over the years. Allow me to tell you all about what I've learned. Okay class, let's begin!
1. Be Happy
While you're waiting to be in a relationship someday, be content with being single. I've heard that phrase a lot this week through different people in Cru. What does it mean exactly? It means to be happy with where you are right now. It doesn't mean you're opposed to dating right now. I do hope you don't say to someone you're interested in something weird like, "hey I like you, but I'm content with being single, so come talk to me in 5 or 10 years, and then maybe we'll date." I am content with being single, when the time comes that I find the right girl for me, then I'll pursue her. But it's not healthy to spend most of your single guy or girl days being sad about being single. Focus on other things. Have some hobbies, spend time with friends and family, pursue God. Be social and outgoing!
2. Be Smart with Facebook
Do not take this the wrong way. What I'm about to say is only meant to help others, not to be judgmental Too many times, I've seen people post their problems about being single on Facebook. It could be that they want everyone's attention in hopes of finding someone through complaining about being single. Don't be that guy or girl! Complaining about being single on Facebook shows you are desperate and it will not boost your chances of dating someone anytime soon. I've also seen people complain about their ex's on Facebook. In my opinion and from my experiences, if you're stuck on your ex, you aren't ready for a relationship. You need to forgive and forget. I assume you're no longer a teenager, so don't act like one and hold grudges on others. It goes back to the last point I just made, you need to be content before you should date again.
3. Take Care of Yourself
Being single doesn't mean you should be lazy all the time. Do not dress like a slob every day. Dress to impress at least every once in a while. Granted, don't go spending tons of money on clothes for that reason. Before you leave your house to start your day, consider wearing jeans over sweatpants or even pajama pants. And ladies, be careful with wearing leggings. Believe it or not, they're see through. Cover it up with a long shirt or dress.
Take care of your body too by working out and having good hygiene. Brush your teeth everyday, shave your neck beard, for God sake's please shower every day! I cannot stress that enough. As for working out, I'm not saying you should be a body builder or steroid junkie. Working out increases self image. You have to like who you are. That right there is also important in relationships, but I'll talk more about that later.
4. Reflect on Yourself
Although you may not think it, being single is actually an important part of your life. You need to prepare yourself before you should be in a relationship. That means actually thinking about how you were in the past with dating. Think about what you may have done wrong or what you could have done more of. For example, were you too intimate with past boyfriends or girlfriends? Did you spend either too much or not enough time together? Were you mean or selfish? If we don't reflect on past mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them. One thing I'm continuing to change about myself is that I'm trying to build a strong relationship with God. I want to have a good Christian relationship someday.
5. Have Faith
The hardest part of being single is the fear that you'll be stuck in the single zone for a long time. The truth of the matter is, everyone finds someone at different stages in their life, whether they are young or old. God has a plan for you of who you will marry someday. My friend Ben Shoemaker didn't find Alice, who is now his wife, until he was in his late 20's last year. But he had faith, and he trusted in God's plan. In waiting, God brought the two of them together at last! Have faith in yourself too. Do not think that there's no one out there that'll go for you. There is that one special someone out there for you. You just have to be patient and keep your eyes opened for him or her.
6. Avoid Temptations
Porn, sex, and masturbation are all very tempting. None of these are good ways to stay content with being single. The media makes them all seem okay, but they are actually dangerous for you. They all make you feel worse about yourself and where you're at in being single. They distort your priorities of what you should be wanting in a girlfriend or boyfriend. We all struggle with these temptations, even those that are in relationships. The best way to avoid these temptations is to keep yourself busy. That includes having a few hobbies, working, and hanging out with people more. It also helps to have someone to help you overcome these temptations. Talking about it does help. The more you persevere, the more it shows you'd be a great husband or wife someday.
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